From the Good Clean Funnies

Two-Day Course For Men
EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!
OPEN TO MEN ONLY - ALL ARE WELCOME

Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty,
each course will accept a maximum of eight participants.

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this courseinclude:
DAY ONE:

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step-by-step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS - DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Round table discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE - DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY
TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of
turningthe house upside down while screaming - Open forum

DAY TWO:

EMPTY MILK CARTONS -DO THEY BELONG
IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH - BRINGING HER FLOWERS
IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOURHEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT
QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLELPARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS - BASIC DIFFERENCES
BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING
WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT
Learning how to live with being wrong all the time

Anguish Languish

This is something I just had to share!! We went to the library today and picked up the Children's Almanac of Words at Play by Willard R. Espy
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Lettuce Pray
When you hear the word anguish, you aren't likely to think it's English. And if you hear the word languish you aren't likely to think it is language. But if you hear someone saying "anguish language" you might think he or she is saying "English language." A man named Howard Chase discovered you can tell whole stories, and have them understood, by replacing most of the words with words that sound a little bit like them but mean something entirely different. Anguish languish was the name he gave to this kind of wordplay. Here is the Lord's Prayer in Anguish languish:

Hour Fodder wart unleavened,
Hottub beehive mane.
Tyke idiom crumb, Tie wilt bean numb,
Inert acid dizzy emblem.
Goofy dismay ordeal Libra head,
Ant reefer keeper dentist.
Leaners snot undo ten patients,
Buddy liverwurt frumpy fill,
Four thigh next seeking dumb,
Deep powwow, auntie chlorine
Fur river. Almond

-Mark Burstein

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P.S. You'll probably have to read it a few times and you actually sound like you are reading it with a transilvanian accent!